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What A long Strange Trip It's Been...

A long strange trip indeed. I'm back here in Illinois and at work after my Magical Mystery Tour of North Carolina. I know I went imcomunicado a few days ago but I had a lot of shit going on. Hardtime and I were trying to cram as much stuff as we could into the short time we had left together. I'll say more about Hardtime later on how we met and that kind of stuff but I'll say this right now. He means more to me than probably even he knows. While we were in Seagrove, we had a brief talk about Shelly, my ex and this idiotic thing she let happen with one of my former horses. And anyway, I remembered what a good friend he had been during my divorce. And because of the way we met, he had reason to fear me probably but still he put it all on the line and was my friend and did the best thing he could have done for me. He just listened. We're guys so we don't get all weepy over each other telling each other this shit but I can damn sure write it down. And yes dude, I miss having all the time in the world to do nothing at all. If I could change things now I would and move back to that area but I have to watch out for things here for a while longer at least. I can't take the chance on the farm right now. I need to know I'm always going to have it to go back to if I need it.

So I didn't get a chance to tell anyone about the visit with the Chiefs. To put it simply, it was magical! I've spent the time from then till now sorting all of it out. It was about memories and visions and spirits and magic and honesty and sharing and a whole bunch of other stuff all rolled into one. One big thing...they will adopt me into the Shawnee Nation if I can prove my bloodline. That's not a problem really except I'm not sure it ever mentions in my family tree records if anyone was Native. It's more a matter of certain names of people being in certain places at the right time and too much coincidence to be otherwise. It's enough for my own peice of mind to know that the blood is there somewhere but like many things in life, you have to be able to show some proof to get the things you want.

Starhawk and Whitehawk and I share a common bond, even a familial bond on the spirit level but I can't impose on them to use their influence to get me in. They are the founders of the new Nation and they can't be made to look like they are playing favorites. Deb on the other hand can easily prove her ancestry. She's 1/16 Blackfoot on her Mother's side and part Cherokee on her Father's side so she should have no problem petitioning for adoption.

My fish vision came up again. Seems I transmogrified into the Dogfish I had seen in vision two years ago and the very one that brought me to Whitehawk's attention in the first place. Her people call this fish the Water Panther and it is rarely seen except by people with great spiritual or healing power. Yet another tie to the Shawnee.

Starhawk interpreted that vision for me although I had come to a fair understanding of my own. That I need not be afraid of the darkness any longer that if I take the time to look there is really light all around me. But time is running out for my healing powers. I need to decide on a path and be commited to it. The door will not remain open forever. It's something I also want to talk to Terry Many Spirits about as she is one of the more powerful shaman I know. I'd like to get her perspective on it as well.

I can't tell everything about the evening as some of it is pretty personal. Even though we all agreed not to test each other, some of it was like a test or maybe less like a test and more like an informal survey. I didn't mind because it allows me to test my limits as well. I was asked to hold two sacred objects and give my impressions. The first hit me almost immediately with a wave of power and I knew Whitehawk had to be awfully powerful to be able to work with that power. I didn't even have to concentrate to see the spirit associated with that object. He was staring me right in the eye. Big round brown eye tinged with gold and a deep black iris. Power not to be feared but definitely to be revered and not used lightly. Whitehawk just smiled at me when I drew the eye for her on a piece of paper. The second object held power more subtle but just as strong. I kept hearing the word Gemini called on the wind and saw a symbol that looked something like this ....... )!(........ reflections or twins and knew that the object in the bundle had a twin somewhere and told Whitehawk so. Again, she just smiled at me and eventually told me what was in the two bundles. And when she did, I was surprised I had been allowed to hold them at all. They also showed me an object of great importance and antiquity. Possibly on the same level as possesing a relic from a powerful prophet or saint in the Christian tradition.

I gave the two of them their gifts I had made and once again had gotten the presentation just right which is the part I was most worried about. I laid the necklaces and stones in the boxes inside a hoop of sweetgrass and sprinkled with cedar. They seemd to really love their gifts. I only wish I had stopped to think to bring something for WhiteHawk's husband and Starhawk's grandson who were both there. But later, I dug into my sacred feathers and gave them each one of those.

In addition to being a jeweler, I'm also a trader. Generally I like to give the other person the best deal in the trade but I think the two ladies saw through my game and I got the best of the gifts in trade. Starhawk gave me a personal gift of a small pewter owl pendant and Whitehawk gifted me with some powerful dreaming stones, a fossil and some sacred corn for my meditation box. Those things alone put me in the advantage in the gift arena but the other gift they gave me really floored me. I told Whitehawk I had not been able to locate Coyote's body and what she said put my fears to rest. She has come to believe the Coyote was a thing of spirit. It was there for me and real when I needed it to be. I needed to prove to it that I knew how to work with it's energy and my treatment of the body and my prayers were exactly the right kind of proof he needed. More than likely, it turned back into spirit after I left. That alone was gift enough. It lifted a constant fear that I'd not done all I could for it. But the real gift was yet to come. I could feel the power as I lifted the lid from the box. It came spilling out the sides and when I finally saw the object, I was moved to the point of tears. There before me, cradled in light and power was a perfectly tanned coyote foot complete with claws. I had not the words to express how I felt about this and still don't. With tears in my eyes, I just hugged the two women and thanked them over and again. A gift not only of love but a physical link to my newest totem. Something I had feared was lost due to not fully understanding the situation.

They also gifted me with fox energy as my father has a fox totem and they felt it was something I needed to learn to work with. Gifts of feathers as well and tobacco. More than I know exactly what to do with so many walking sticks and dreamcatchers are likely in the offing.

Jack even gave me a gift. A wonderful video of Native Dance and some long lengths of copper I can use to make jewelry with.

Such a magical night. Just like days of old in a tipi or longhouse around a fire. A wonderful homecooked meal and lots of story telling. Tales of war and peace and spirits and ceremonies and old friends. They told me of how their New Nation came to be and we discussed the circle we all once belonged to and what happened to divide it and we decided we had all forgiven the others but we would never forget. I was honored to be shown sacred objects and to be allowed to stare into the eyes of a god and feel it's power and warmth. They charged my crystal with their energy and allowed me to let it lie in contact with the sacred object to absorb some of it's power as well. I feel blessed and know they wouldn't show these things to just anyone. So they have put a burden of trust on me to hold these things sacred which is why I do not reveal their identity here. I am still warmed by their power though and look forward to working with this power in the near future.

Like all good things, our time together eventually came to an end and I had to go back to Lexington. I hardly noticed the drive home. I was keyed up until 3 in the morning even though I had to drive back here the next day.

Hardtime and I rose earlier than I thought we would since we had stayed up so late and I tried to get on the road. I was distracted at the last minute by his Grandmotehr who wanted us to sit and have breakfast. I really didn't mind though because his grandparents are real salt-of-the-Earth kind of folks and great to talk to. She made us sausage gravy spooned over bread and sweet tea. Sweet enough for a spoon to stand straight up in the glass...well almost but it was just the way I like it.

After hugs and all that, I thanked my friend, hugged him and got on the road. The trip home was mostly unremarkable. Just me and my thoughts and some good tunes. 857 miles through the snow and I still did it in 13 hours. Walked in the farmhouse and Deb was asleep on the couch. Picked up her sleepy form, kissed her and carried her up to bed to sleep. Although we did wake up at 5 am for some kissing and snuggling and then back to sleep. New Years day and eve was spent with friends and family, eating, drinking Southern Comfort and wine (not a great combo) and trying to attract the police by shooting off huge firework displays in town. Fortunately no one got arrested even though we played a joke on Hardtime and made him think Deb was in jail. No resolutions as I'd likely not keep them. I'm just going to try to be happy in spite of the nasty winter and all my toubles. They were still here waiting for me when I got back. Troubles seem to just do that. Oh well. Time to get back into my life.

The trip was wonderful and just what I needed. I loved meeting everyone I got the chance to meet and look forward to seeing you all again very soon.

I hope the New Year goes well for everyone.




( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 2nd, 2001 10:37 am (UTC)
*Sighs happily* What a great journey this must have been for you. And you know, that's my favorite Doors song, and I can't think of a better song for you. It sticks with you, somehow. :)

Congratulations on the adoption possibility! That must be an incredible honor for you, and I'm in awe!

I'm so pleased that the new year started so meaningfully for you, Wander. I can't imagine it being any other way, where you're concerned. And welcome home, even if we wish you and Deb were in NC already! :)
Jan. 2nd, 2001 12:45 pm (UTC)
Re: Wow!
I'm in awe as well and I hope it comes to fruition but if not, just my knowing is enough I suppose. But to be a part of that bigger family would be great as well. Actually, they are not to particualer about actual Shawnee blood as they consider all people with Native blood to be "of the people" so if you have some blood as I was thinking you did, I could introduce you to Whitehawk and Starhawk and you could petition for membership if you like. At least the meetings would be in NC and you wouldn't have to go all over the US.



Jan. 2nd, 2001 11:27 am (UTC)
What an awesome experience for you..this sounds so wonderful..I am very excited about the possibilities for you..you mentioned Shawnee?? Where did this Nation origionate from?? Is it possible that there was once a Shawnee Nation in Pennsylvania?? There is a full blood only four generations back on my fathers side.. I am going to do some research but I cannot remember if she was Shawnee or Pawnee..I know its the one with ties to pennsylvania.. I need to do some geaneology work on my fathers side.. my mothers side has been done and its all scotch irish, but my fathers side has native american blood.. I am very glad you all made it back safe.. -Mystrys
Jan. 2nd, 2001 12:12 pm (UTC)
Re: Wonderful!!
It would have to be Shawnee as they are Algonquian and yes they were in Pennsylvania, actually originating around Delaware with the Lenni Lenape. The Pawnee were farther west.



Jan. 2nd, 2001 12:26 pm (UTC)
Re: Wonderful!!
Thats them then..I will see what my grandparents can tell me next time I'm up there..I KNOW shes only 4 generations back..my fathers great, great. great grandmother was full blooded indian..my grandfather sometimes speaks of it..it was apparently a great scandal when she married into the family..apparently, in those days, it was "done" to marry an indian.. I DO know she lived on a reservation in Pennsylvania and she would have to have been shawnee.. thanks so much.. -Mystrys
Jan. 2nd, 2001 12:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Wonderful!!
In Deb's family tree there is a reference to some marrying a squaw...a word I wouldn't even mention around a Native woman today. Marrying Native women was something that was done a lot but almost never talked about. Starhawk's last name is McCoy and It's really interesting how many Indian folks have last names like Smith and Jones. Things was when men were moving west across this country, white women were pretty darned scarce so it's pretty certain that a lot of men married Indian women. My family is mostly Scottish, Irish and German on either side and most of us Irish ones have the traditional red hair so it's real funny when a kid gets born with jet black hair and high cheek bones.

If you've ever heard people talk about Black Irish or Black Dutch, there is no such thing. What they are really refering to are Native people in the family who adopted the Irish or Dutch surnames when they married into the families.



Jan. 2nd, 2001 01:49 pm (UTC)
Re: Wonderful!!
grin..funny you should mention the "black headed children" my brother Bryan is like that.. he has jet black hair, very straight, high cheekbones and almost black eyes.. grin, but he has my mothers pale skin..my father has black curly hair and dark eyes..but Bryan is the "weird" one in a family where most of us have brown hari and blue eyes..he stands out..I'll see if I can find and scan a picture of him somewhere.. thanks for the info..I'll let ya know how my geaneology search goes.. -Mystrys
Jan. 2nd, 2001 06:49 pm (UTC)
Hurry Back Dude.
Hey man don't be a stranger. I hereby give you permission to enter MY state any time you like.

My grandmother was full blooded Cherokee on my mothers side and my grandfather onmy faters side was too. My uncle was shamanist(as I mentioned before) and he looked it all up once for the family tree. Fortunatley I'm as mixed and individual as they come so but I wouldn't mind meeting some of the native folk around here.


Jan. 2nd, 2001 07:00 pm (UTC)

My apology for intruding on your journal, but I happen to find it through our mutual friend wicca.

I read your narrative with great interest and am awed at your visits to the Chiefs. Such memories are priceless and most of us will never be lucky enough to come close to such a mystical moment.


Jan. 3rd, 2001 07:19 am (UTC)
No problem, I invite you to my journal anytime you like. I just write what I feel and lately I've been going through a lot of really mystical stuff which I feel honored to experience. The flip side is, you don't get this stuff for just the hell of it. I feel I'm headed for a time of testing soon.

Good to make your accqaintance!



( 10 comments — Leave a comment )


Wander aka StoneBear
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