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Most Annoying

OK, let's hear your vote for the most annoying Christmas song. Mine is hands down, the Band Aid song from the 80's. "Feed the World, Let Them Know It's Christmas" For the love of Pete that song is annoying. First off, you've got a bunch of folks who on their own or with their original groups sound fine but in this conglomeration, they can't carry a tune in a freaking bathtub, much less a bucket. I swear the opening lines sound like a bad audition tape for American Idol. Is it just me or does it sound like someone has put Paul Young's testicles in a big vise and given them a good hard squeeze? And those lyrics...for the love of all that is sacred.

"At Christmas time
We let in light and we banish shade"

Uh yeah. Can we say trying to find a word to rhyme with 'afraid'? What the hell is wrong with shade? Shade is a good thing most of the time. I thought darkness was the opposite of light, not shade.

"And there won't be snow in Africa
This Christmas time"

Well no shit Sherlock. What was your first clue? Maybe the fact that it's hot most of the time there. If they had snow they wouldn't know what the hell was happening. There probably won't be any snow in Brazil this year either but do you see Band Aid trying to send them a bunch of cash and food? I really like it when it doesn't snow at Christmas, especially if I have to go anywhere in a car. Hello, I live in a cold winter state, I'd really like some African weather this Christmas.

"Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow"

Hello? Someone must not have been watching the same National Geographic special that I was. You'd think the whole continent was a desert the way these people sing about it. Seems to me I've heard that parts of Africa get too much rain at certain times of the year. Someone needs to realize it's a continent with vastly different regions from one end to the other. Regions capable of producing just about all weather possible. There are some places in Africa that are very fertile. Africa does have some very barren places but it also has some very fertile river valleys as well. Can we say Nile? I think we can.

"Do they know it's Christmas time at all?"

Probably not. Better question is do they give a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Probably not. It's like when Canada celebrates Boxing Day. Im sure it has some significance for Canadians, but I don't feel I'm missing out on anything by not celebrating it. I'm sure some Africans realize it's Christmas. Those who happen to be descendants of people whose own native religion was cast aside by Christian missionaries. OK, I know, some people come to Christianity on their own but would they even have known of it's existence without someone there spreading the word? "Now I'm going to teach you to grow your own food. But first, have you ever heard of this Jesus dude?" I'm sure Africans have their own holidays that are just as important to them as Christmas. Someone tell me why it's a big deal if they don't know about or celebrate Christmas?

"Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time"

Wait, weren't we just talking about Africa? When did the world come into play? Even in 1984 when this sad excuse for a song was recorded, I'm sure most everyone exposed to mass media was aware the Christians of the world were celebrating Christmas. Christians have a tendency to cram that idea down everyone's throat. And Feed the World? Little ambitious don't you think? How about we start at home? We get everyone in our own countries fed and then we can help out all the other countries of the world.

"Here's to you
raise a glass for everyone
Here's to them
underneath that burning sun"

If all else fails, resort to booze. Booze will fix all the world's problems right? It's done so well for all of us so far. I guess Bad Aid is trying to tell us that if we can't do anything else, at least we can drink the world's problems away. Oh and we are back to talking about Africa again I think.

It's sad that people of my generation produced this pretentious swill. Even sadder that it's been stuck in my head for the past three mornings. OK, your turn. What's your most annoying Christmas song?

Peace,

Wander

Comments

( 39 comments — Leave a comment )
muse
Dec. 14th, 2004 08:55 am (UTC)
whoah!
This post is bloody hilarious. Thank you, thank you!
wander
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:15 am (UTC)
Re: whoah!
You know, I really try to get into the whole spirit of things but it's things like this that ruin the whole idea of the holiday.

W
ryl
Dec. 14th, 2004 09:06 am (UTC)
Paul McCartney, "Si-mply ha-ving awonderful Christ-mas time!" to the tune of A Three Month Old With A Casio. When I snap and start burning Beatles albums, this will be the cause. I hate Paul McCartney and hope he is the next to go.
ryl
Dec. 14th, 2004 09:12 am (UTC)
God Damn You. Now it's stuck in my head. I'm gonna have to purge my brain.
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 10:17 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ryl - Dec. 14th, 2004 12:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kittles - Dec. 14th, 2004 09:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 10:19 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 10:16 am (UTC) - Expand
redsgoddes
Dec. 14th, 2004 09:26 am (UTC)
LMFAOPIMP!!!!!! Oh lord! my sides hurt.. I amost puked I'm laughing so damn hard.

The worst Christmas song to me has got to be "Santa Baby".. all versions.

And the most stupidest line in a Christmas song (no offense to religious folks) has got to be from "Do you hear what I hear?"

this line:

"a child a child shivers in the cold,
Let us bring him silver and gold.."

Okay, if a child is shivering in the cold, I think he'd appreciate a blanket more then silver and gold. Even if he is a king.
carocrow
Dec. 14th, 2004 09:58 am (UTC)
I read this to husband and we both agree...

blanket > silver/gold on cold baby scale.

Hee!
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 10:22 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - redsgoddes - Dec. 14th, 2004 01:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 10:21 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - redsgoddes - Dec. 14th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
cuddles
Dec. 14th, 2004 09:27 am (UTC)
"Felis Nadi Da! Felis Nadi Da! We wanna wish you a Merry Christmas!" Ugh I hate that song.

Later

Cuddles
wander
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:23 am (UTC)
Ah Feliz Navidad. Isn't that Julio Iglesias singing that one? Yeah, it ranks right up there!

Wander
(no subject) - redsgoddes - Dec. 14th, 2004 01:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
carocrow
Dec. 14th, 2004 09:55 am (UTC)
The whole concept behind "Santa Claus is Coming Tonight", which is, that

Santa knows we're all God's children, that makes everything right
So hang your stockings and say your prayers, 'cause Santa Claus is coming tonight.


All you pagan children, fuck you, and don't bother with the stockings.

You nearly made me pee, which might have been warm for a few minutes, but since I only have one pair of sweat pants, it would have been a very short joy. Thanks, though. I detest that song, too, and it is a real earworm.
wander
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:26 am (UTC)
Yeah, I never got the whole mixing of Santa with Christ thing. I think there should be two separate holidays there honestly. One religious observance and one just for giving stuff to each other.

On a completely unrelated footnote, Kids in Rushville, the town near where my farm is are not allowed to celebrate Halloween at school because of it's Pagan roots. How funny is that one?

Wander
(no subject) - carocrow - Dec. 14th, 2004 11:12 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 12:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - coyotepup - Dec. 14th, 2004 12:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 12:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
coyotepup
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:44 am (UTC)
I'm sure some Africans realize it's Christmas. Those who happen to be descendants of people whose own native religion was cast aside by Christian missionaries.

Actually, a surprisingly large chunk of Africa is predominantly and very devoutly Christian. And in northern Africa, the Christian tradition predates that of Europe.
wander
Dec. 14th, 2004 10:58 am (UTC)
Yeah and I thought about that after I wrote this since Christianity essentially sprang from that region. Plus the white part of South Africa I'd imagine is mostly Christian. I'm just not sure those were the folks being sung about. But then I don't think the people singing had any idea who they were singing about either.

W
(no subject) - coyotepup - Dec. 14th, 2004 12:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 12:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
abz6598
Dec. 14th, 2004 11:43 am (UTC)
That annoying Beatles/Lennon tune that goes "So this is Christmas..."

How much political commentary can a person cram into what is ostensibly a holiday song?

The Beatles lost all musical relevance long before Lennon took his dirt nap.
wander
Dec. 14th, 2004 12:31 pm (UTC)
Howdy big guy. Yeah, if you've ever seen that movie that VH1 made where McCartney supposedly goes to visit Lennon in NY in the late 70's, John really blasts Paul for the commercial pop direction his music has taken. I think at the point where they ceased being the Beatles, they really lost a lot of musical clout at least as far as putting out anything meaningful. Now as solo artists, I would argue that a couple of them have surpassed their accomplishments as part of the group but there are some glaring exceptions. Can we say Ebony and Ivory?

Wander
(no subject) - rhiannonstone - Dec. 14th, 2004 02:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 14th, 2004 03:04 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - coyotepup - Dec. 14th, 2004 08:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ryl - Dec. 15th, 2004 06:27 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 15th, 2004 08:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - coyotepup - Dec. 16th, 2004 07:53 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - wander - Dec. 16th, 2004 08:06 am (UTC) - Expand
mimesis
Dec. 16th, 2004 09:23 pm (UTC)
oh! oh! i have a nomination for Annoying Song
i saw your comment on muse's most recent, and trotted over here. i feel so strongly about The Most Annoying Christmas Song question that i'm commenting before i even read the rest of your post!

"Jingle Bells," as sung by Barbara Streisand, in that whacked-out tempo that's beyond unique and unconventional and edges clearly into nauseating territory. literally. i think it must damage the inner ear.
wander
Dec. 17th, 2004 07:24 am (UTC)
Re: oh! oh! i have a nomination for Annoying Song
I can truly say there are not many modern renditions of traditional carols that I can stand. One exception being the David Bowie collaboration with Bing Crosby on Little Drummer Boy. Yeah Striesand should just stick to what she's good at...can't figure out exactly what that is but yeah. Nice to meet you.

Wander
( 39 comments — Leave a comment )