?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

As bizarre as it sounds...

I may be getting married next week.

Deb's Long Term Disability carrier in it's infinite wisdom has decided that she is now fit to return to employment. Even though her shrink says otherwise. This determination involved them hiring a battery of third party shrinks to evaluate her and her doing one of those gods awful personality profiles they insist have any kind of relevancy to real world situations. Apparently they also hired a private detective to do surveilance video (kinda makes your skin crawl doesn't it?). So they are going to deny her any further dissability payments. Now the monetary side of that isn't a big deal since Social Security is actually paying most of her disability payment. But what it does do is force her former employer...the same one I work for...to convert her current HMO insurance over to a COBRA plan that she now has to pay for on her own. I know, those of you out there that already have to pay your own insurance premiums are probably telling me "Welcome to the real world" now but when you only make $1100 a month and you now have a $265 per month insurance payment, it's a big bite.

So I have two options here. Either put her on my insurance (same HMO as her current insurtance) as a domestic partner or get married next week instead of in September and put her on as a spouse. It doesn'
t matter me too much to have to get married next week though it kind of takes the romance out of it plus we won't have time to get things like pre-nups taken care of and that sort of thing.

The company I work for actually has to make the determination of whether she qualifies as a domestic partner so that may hold things up as well. It's a big freaking mess in other words. What a fun life I lead sometimes.

Wander

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
ryl
Jun. 1st, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC)
Wow. Insurance-mandated marriage. It has kind of a mail-order bride feel to it. I guess it is true that all the romance in the world has been homogenized and sold to Hallmark.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 06:59 pm (UTC)
Completely not romantic. If we do this we will have a ceremony to renew our vows in September and proceed as normal. What the hell is that critter in your icon?

W
ryl
Jun. 1st, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
It's a baby tapir. It's cute!
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 09:23 pm (UTC)
Way cute. I like tapirs anyway but I didn't know the little ones were so cute.

Wander
ryl
Jun. 2nd, 2005 12:13 am (UTC)
I saw one at the San Diego Zoo. It kept dropping its nose and retracting it and dropping it and retracting it... I was entranced.
wander
Jun. 2nd, 2005 12:15 am (UTC)
Anything wit ha retractable nose...man I'm all over that.

Wander
ryl
Jun. 2nd, 2005 12:14 am (UTC)
http://liedra.net/tapir/tapir.jpg
There's the full-size. You can see the tapir-ness better in that one.
carocrow
Jun. 1st, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
Um... congratulations?

Well, sometimes the participants get rushed to the altar a little quicker than they might have gotten there otherwise, but at least you were headed that way anyway and this is just moving the date up.

I was on Mani's insurance as a domestic partner for several months before we got married. It may be you'll still be able to iron out everything and do it "proper" the way you both want. Otherwise, have a vow renewal and reception in a year.

I'm sort of confused about how she could get screwed out of her LTD, but I hope everything works out okay for y'all in the long run.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:12 pm (UTC)
You're confused? They actually called us right before we were leaving for a romantic Memorial Day weekend in the Ozarks and told us they were sending us a letter denying any further benefits. Part of this goes back to a conversation with her neurologist about two years ago when he asked if she was still driving because she was on some pretty powerful anti seizure drugs. She told him that she wasn't driving because she didn't want to endanger anyone else. So that went into the record that got sent to the LTD company. since then she has gotten off those drugs and is now on a mild dose of an anti depressant but she still only drives to her therapy appointments and short trips to grocery store, pharmacy and etc. and no driving on days when she feels loopy. This is where the surveilance video comes in. They have her on video driving to the grocery store. But what they failed to realize is she's been off the drugs that prevented her from driving for over a year now. They didn't bother to ask the opinion of deb's shrink either. I'm less than confident an appeal will work though. If we go through with this, we will jsut have a vow renewal when we were planning to get married in September.

W
carocrow
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
Oh, man. That is awful. I hope the appeal is successful, but I'm seeing insurance and government thumbscrews left and right lately and I just don't know. She ought to be able to drive with a med change, though; if her disability wasn't totally based on her ability to drive, that shouldn't be the main factor in revoking it.

We're still angry that we must have gotten the most ineffectual lawyer on the planet to handle my workman's comp and he dropped the ball because we had to leave MA due to complete lack of funds. I can't help it I couldn't fly to MA every time they wanted to reschedule an appointment or court date. Apparently email, faxes, depositions and medical records weren't enough. I wasn't going to spend more money on doctors without insurance, either. I just eventually let it go. They had the money to ride me out, I lost, they won. So it seems to go.

wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:34 pm (UTC)
As I said, people need to stop thinking that insurance companies are in any business other than making money for themselves. If people realized this, they would be a lot better off from ther get go.

Wander
kittles
Jun. 1st, 2005 06:47 pm (UTC)
Getting insurance for abz6598 has actually been a topic of discussion with respect to when we will get married. We'd prefer to avoid having to do it that way, but when the chips are down, I'm sure we'd do what it took.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
Yep, if it comes down to it, I'll do it this way but it would mess a lot of things up that we needed to do beforehand.

W
jelly_fish
Jun. 1st, 2005 06:58 pm (UTC)
INSURANCE COMPANIES SUCK!
Mine will pay for an operation I need that will keep me out of work for a month. But, they won't pay for physical therapy or anything else to prevent me from having to have the operatioN!
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:26 pm (UTC)
It's all about the money. When it comes down to it, insurance comapnies are in the business of making money, not health.

Wander
aronal
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:11 pm (UTC)
There are worse reasons to get married and although I hate to admit it, good insurance coverage for myself and my children is one of the few reasons I'd ever consider getting married again. The first time I married for international residency (I got UK, he got US) and the relationship held together for over 20 years.

Now I know what I'm about to say is going to sound bithcy and like a bit of a downer...but... if Deb is having serious medical related problems, and you are marrying her to provide her with coverage, then you have to look at the LONG term. Will the problems still be there 10 or 20 or even 30 years from now? Are you still going to be married to her problems 10 or 20 or even 30 years from now?

My father married his current wife to provide her coverage for a problem that he thought would be terminal within 6 months to a year. That was 17 years ago. They are still married and he is still supporting her. He has recently retired and her ongoing medical and mental problems are the center of his universe. It ain't pretty. I admire dedication, but be very aware that once you are married, if she doesn't get better, there is no easy or respectable way out.

Do what you need to do, be who you need to be. It's tough, I wouldn't want to be where you're at today.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
There really is no resepctable way out of it now. Beleive, me, I've thought about it. If it were not for the fact that Illinois doesn't have a provision for common law marriages, we'd be legally married now. I was married for 8 years to someone with mutliple personalities last time so I know the ins and outs of living with an ongoing mental condition. In all likelihood, she will get better and be able to return to some sort of career at some point but I think she will always need some sort of therapy. She has a lot of issues in that regard.

Wander
sweetsongstress
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:45 pm (UTC)
I am appalled by the fact that her disability carrier is still denying her benefits AFTER HER SHRINK SAID SHE SHOULDN'T. They're going against medical advice, now that's wonderful. ugh.

I wonder what they would do if (and this is purely hypothetical!) someone was really batshit insane and might snap and hurt someone at work? Kind of scary. But I don't know what condition Deb has, so I can't really say much about that.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll make the right decision, either way. But being the big cheesy romantic that I am, I think just getting married in September would be really nice. But I know that we don't necessarily live in a romantic world where situations bend to our will.

Take care, Mark. Best to Deb, too.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 07:56 pm (UTC)
She has been diagnosed with a conversion disorder with seizures. So basically a stressful situation could manifest as a bad anxiety attack or sometimes as seizures. The letter we recieved seems to suggest they think this condition is mild enought to allow her to do some kind of work at least. There may be a ray of hope though. I'm talking to my company insurance rep now and they think it qualifies as a domestic partner relationship.

Wander
redsgoddes
Jun. 1st, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC)
When I quit my job last year, they dropped me from my health insurance the day I stopped working. They were supposed to give me 30 days. As a result I now have alot of bills to pay I would't normally of had.

That's when my husband, Jim, picked me up on his because of my diabetes. Even though we've had our problems he said he was ultimately still responsible and wouldn't see me go without.

Isn't it lovely how they are? you are right they truly don't care. I could probably raise a stink and take them to court because they shouldn't of just dropped me like that. But I don't want the hassle.

Good luck to you and Deb. You need it.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
May be a ray of hope. She qualifies as a domestic partner so if I can get the paperwork in fast enough there will be no break in her insurance.

W
redsgoddes
Jun. 1st, 2005 09:04 pm (UTC)
Cool. There was a big break in mine because we were totally unprepared for them to just drop me. They didn't care. And they even knew what kind of meds I took too. Didn't care they made me pay for it all out of my own pocket.

Ooo this makes me mad..gotta go have tea or something. LOL.
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
Heheheh have a cup for me too.

W
aditu
Jun. 1st, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
Bah that's just wrong. Insurance frustrates the hell out of me.
Explain to me how the domestic partner thing works...I'm glad that's looking like it might work out for her. Good luck. *positive energy to you and Deb*
wander
Jun. 1st, 2005 10:32 pm (UTC)
Certain hoops you have to jump through to prove it but basically, you prove that you live with someone whom you are interdependant with. It's the short way around a gay marriage clause but it applies in situations where people just want to live together as well.

Wander
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )