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Catch Up

I did a video shoot this morning at a Day Care Center in Galesburg. That sort of work just tends to attract hot looking women for some reason. The shoot went well. This was the classroom mascot.

All the bird poop in Illinois is turning purple right now so it must be mulberry season. Guess what I picked a big bowl of on Sunday?

Friday I got to the farm about 10 pm and headed down to the local tavern where Gwen was bartending. There were about 2 dozen locals there. It must be because I'm only in town on the weekends that people don't recognize me. The woman who has been my rural mail carrier for 12 years asked Gwen who that "cute guy at the end of the bar" was. When she found out, she got all excited and came over. Told me her name and who she was and said, batting her eyes, "You know, you're kind of cute!" Now when I've got about one or two beers in me, I get kind of sarchastic and so I answered, "Kinda cute? Does that mean I'm also kinda ugly? Is that like partly cloudy or something?"

She looked confused for a minute and then put her hand on my arm and started laughing. Then she went on back to her chair at the bar and kept winking at me the rest of the night. A cute, strawberry blonde girl next to me was trying to engage me in conversation. All she could talk about was how boring a Friday night in Rushville is. I guess if you grew up there it could be boring. Anyway, we finally found a topic we could agree on and were chatting away when Gwen's friend Trina came up and started flirting with me. She didn't know who I was either. Finally she asked me how I knew Gwen and I told her I lived with Gwen's cousin. That pretty much killed all conversation with Strawberry blonde who I guess figured the night was a total loss and left soon after. Trina hopped up on the barstool she vacated though and flirted with me until last call. I helped Gwen close up and follwed her to her house where Rob and I talked about how we would run the fireworks on the week of the 4th. Because we have a show on the 1st of July, we decided to postpone the 11th Annual Wander's Farm Party until the 8th of July. A bigger announcement of that is forthcomming.

Saturday I had to go to Macomb early to get Deb's dad to fix my windshield. I informed him of my actions on changing our door locks in Peoria to keep his former wife out of the house. He wasn't all that surprised. Then I had to run to Beardstown to get my hair cut.

Later, I joined Rob, Gwen, Kenny and his wife Lori to go to a Harley Giveaway at the Hancock County fairgrounds in Augusta. Between us we had 4 qualifying tickets to win the bike they were giving away. They were drawing names every 30 minutes. You had to be present to win. Amidst this there were to be 5 live bands and beer and mixed drinks served along with the normal fair style food. Ribeye sandwiches and the like. I have to say at this point that draft beer is SATAN. With a bottle or can of beer there is a clear beginning and end so you at least can keep count of how many you have. With draft beer in plastic cups, it gets much harder to keep track and so people just tend to get stumbling drunk at these things. Realizing this early, I stuck to water, figuring someone was going to need a ride home and it was probably going to be the people I rode with. Luckily Lori figured out the same thing.

The first band, Doctor X, sucked. I think someone told them they didn't need to be good as long as they were loud. That may have worked later in the day but the crowd was not drunk enough yet. Plus it started to get cold. I mean like unseasonably cold and people were putting on jackets and just standing around drinking and talking. After a short break, the next band, Concrete from Galesburg came on. I have to say they were probably the best band there and they rocked. Hard rock from the 70s-90's. The crowd was dancing and women were baring their breasts which of course was one of the reasons I went. The lead singer was pretty damned cute in her red leather pants.

The next band was an AC/DC tribute band called Big Gun from Tennessee. They did well at AC/DC tunes but I doubt they could have covered the range that the previous band did. I did getsome great shots. It was kind of laughable how they actually tried to look like AC/DC. I thought the guy trying to play Angus Young looked more like Paul McCartney. But what do you expect from a tribute band. They were a big hit with all the now drunken bikers and biker babes who crowded the stage and sung along with all the songs. They played for about 2 hours and then the giveaway was done. Ten of the qualifying names had been drawn. None of our group was among them but one of Gwen's cousins was called up on stage as one of the ten qualifiers. He didn't get it either. Some 22 year old kid from Blandinsville won. Oh well.

The people who had just come for the giveaway started to leave. Gwen asked me if I'd be willing to drive someone home seeing as I was one of the few sober people left. See, good thinking on my part. The 4th band, Triple Switch started playing. A little more contemporary stuff. They were OK, but had the misfortune of following two pretty good bands so not as many people were paying attention.

I was assigned to drive home Miss M, Miss R and Mr. M in Miss M's brand new Jeep. Names abreviated to protect their identities. None of them had any business walking much less driving. And it was a good thing I drove because there were at least 6 State cops parked at the various exits out of town. I took a back road and it quickly became evident why they needed a driver. I had to stop for two huge deer in the road. Even as we were slowing, the three drunks didn't see them.

A little further down the road, I glanced in the rear view and noticed quite a bit of nudity going on between Miss R and Mr. M. Not exactly the kind of thing I wanted to see in the rear view. Miss M was fidling with the CD player and finally decided on a Waylon Jennings CD. Now I like Waylon as much as the next redneck country boy. It's just not what I wanted to hear after a night of hard rock. But the three drunks insisted on serrenading me and Miss R insisted I should "Sing with the family Brother!"

So I relented and sang The Highwayman with them. Then Miss R. proclaimed, "yer such a good feller" in a voice that sounded more like North Carolina hillbilly than Illinois famer. Miss M was slowly fading by then and her head came to rest on my shoulder. Something that really bugs me when I'm driving if it's uninvited. I took the wheel with my left hand and reached over with my right to gently push her back the other way. This action backfired on me and she took hold of my hand and began caressing and massaging my fingers. I drove all the way from Camden to Rushville with my left hand on the wheel to handle turn signals, steering and high beams. I didn't want to encourage anything but I didn't want to hurt her feelings either by extracting my hand. I figured she wouldn't even remember my face the next day anyway. We finally made it to town and I parked their jeep in the parking lot of the hardware store which is only a block or two from where Miss M lives. After locking it up, she pulled me by my previously captured hand into Chaser's Tavern. She wanted to dance. I told her I wasn't much of a dancer sober. Not to mention I was about 2 feet taller than her. So she grabbed Miss R and the two of them danced to the country band that was playing there. I met Mr. M at the bar (Mr. M and Miss M are not related or married by the way). I asked him how he was feeling and he said he thought he could walk home. I put the keys in his shirt pocket and buttoned it up and told him I'd reccomend that all of them walk home and come back for the Jeep the next day. He said he thought that was a good idea and the bartnder said she would make sure they walked. Then she gave me a cold bottle of Bud on the house and I drank it down and left by the back door. I walked from the Tavern to Gwen's house, about 3/4 of a mile and picked up my car and drove home.

The next morning, Gwen was calling early and asking me if I'd gotten lucky. I related the story of the ride and she laughed a lot. She said she would have to tease Miss M about it and see how much she remembered. Now that I think about it, they did blind me twice while I was driving withthe flash from a digital camera so they may remember me after all...or not..."Who the hell is this guy you got a shot of?" "Hell if I know!"

And life goes on...




( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 14th, 2006 10:42 pm (UTC)
You've got some serious mojo, my friend! ;)

Cute hedgehog!
Jun. 15th, 2006 01:20 pm (UTC)
Don't know about the mojo. Right time and right place mostly. It never happened when I was single.

Jun. 15th, 2006 02:09 pm (UTC)
Isn't that always the case? However, many of us actually look better with age.
Jun. 14th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
Then I had to run to Beardstown to get my hair cut

For some reason, that made me LOL.

Do you go to Hairtown for a shave?

Sounds like you're "da man"!

Jun. 15th, 2006 01:22 pm (UTC)
I never thought of Beardstown like that. Funny now that you mention it. But I've known the Beard family for a long time. Relatives of mine so I never thought the name was funny I guess. I don't know about "da man" I've got to question the vibes I'm giving off though.

Jun. 15th, 2006 07:01 am (UTC)
Nifty photo. Latin club, by any chance?

...I must confess, I'm glad the women know a true vicious, arrogant bastard when they see one. I'd hate to be interrupted by such shenanigans in the middle of a good single-malt scotch.
Jun. 15th, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC)
If I was drinking Tequila instead of beer, I think they would have stayed away. Nah the shoot was at a Children's day school.

Jun. 15th, 2006 11:41 am (UTC)
Reminds me of a few fairs in the northern part of the state, less beer and more of those old 1-cylinder tractors and engines sitting around sawing wood.......
Jun. 15th, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC)
I'm a member of one of those clubs. We have our gathering on Labor Day each year. and you know I'm there for the tractor parade every morning. Woo Hoo!

Jun. 15th, 2006 12:12 pm (UTC)
You have the best stories, my friend. Also, that hedgehog has got to be about the greatest Ball of Cute I've seen in a long time. Thanks for sharing.
Jun. 15th, 2006 01:27 pm (UTC)
Things just sort of happen to me. Of course I'm always out going places so I guess I have more opportunity for them to happen. Yeah, he was a cute little guy and the little kids, the subjects of the video where all over him er her.

Jun. 15th, 2006 01:43 pm (UTC)
The hedgehog is doing the "excellent" finger-pyramid with its feet! Adorable!

Apparently this was "Everyone Hit On Wander" weekend. Damn, missed it again. ;)
Jun. 16th, 2006 05:06 am (UTC)
Hey you had your chance and never took it. Lets see if my "luck" continues this weekend.

Jun. 15th, 2006 05:22 pm (UTC)
Hmmm.... Mulberries. I've never had them. Do you cook with them or just eat them raw?
I had no idea you were such a "chick magnet"
Jun. 16th, 2006 05:12 am (UTC)
Kinda wish I was such a chick magnet when I was single. Other than the ego boost, it's pretty much wasted now. Mulberries? Good to eat. Good to make jelly with or wine but not jam. They have this annoying little stem that hangs on and unless you want to spend hours de-stemming them, it's just better to go with jelly. I have a huge tree at the top of the barnyard like a big live oak. Jake is buried beneath that one. He used to like to roll in them and turn his coat purple. Then I have a couple dozen smaller trees growing around the property. They grow about 5 feet per summer and are pretty annoying when they root where you don't want them. I have a 10 foot tall one blocking my barn doors right now. Soon as the fruit is gone, it's coming down.

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )