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OK, I'm worried

If I were to judge our future leadership by the relative intelligence of the people now in college, I think I may have cause for alarm. On Sunday night, Deb and I were at the farm when looking out the bay window, I saw a pair of headlights coming down the driveway. I have the only paved drive on about 10 miles of highway so I often get people pulling in to turn around because they missed a turn. Most often, they pull in just enough to swing back out and turn around. Not so with a pair of numb nuts from Western Illinois University. They were driving a muddy Z-71 Chevy with a jacked up suspension and off road tires. Their plan was to pull in far enough that they could turn around in my front yard which had just begun to melt from all the recent snows. So it was nice and muddy. When I saw the lights and the truck trying to turn into the yard, I ran out to stop them. At first they tried to back up and escape but they had turned too much and almost backed into the 1,000 gallon propane tank in the side yard. So it was stop and face me or run me down. Deb was getting the shotgun just in case.

The passenger opened the door as I approached waving my arms. I was not at all polite. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Passenger with a cheek full of chaw and a soda bottle to spit in says, "Were trying to turn around!" like that should be obvious to me.

So I point at the big muddy holes they have made in my front yard and say, "In my fucking front yard?"

"Sorry!" says numb nuts passenger. "We're lost!" adds numb nuts driver wearing a camoflauge baseball cap and holding a barely disguised Busch beer between his legs.

So I say, "Why didn't you just pull in and back out into the road like everyone else does?"

Numb nuts passenger looks dumbstruck and quickly replies, "But that would be illegal!"

To which I reply, "So is trespassing and destruction of property. Backing out into the road might get you a ticket. Fucking up my front yard might get you shot!"

Both of the numb nuts look to be considering that possibility for the first time. About this time Deb comes out the front door with the shotgun.

Now I hear a chorus of "Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, Sorry" from driver and passenger as driver tries once again to get a full sized pickup turned around on a 10 foot wide driveway without causing further damage. Finally they turn around and almost drive into the ditch which would have been a disaster and I'd have had to help get them out. As they turned back onto the road they rolled down the windows once more and yelled, "Very sorry Sir!"

That's the first time in almost 15 years that has happened. Polite but dumb. I sincerely hope they were English majors and not Poly Sci.



( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 21st, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, wow. How dumb. This made me laugh, though. Nothin' like scarin' dumbasses with a shotgun. :)

Judging from that kind of jackassery, I'd bet on "general studies," and also "not going to graduate."
Feb. 21st, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
Western is the more redneck school in Illinois, they may actually graduate. I'm just hoping they pick up some common sense along the way.

Feb. 21st, 2008 07:25 pm (UTC)
They sound more like attorneys: Not possessed of even the most basic of common sense, but they know how to placate the judge and jury.
Feb. 21st, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
Good call. Must have learned that from fathers who are also lawyers.

Feb. 21st, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
My vote is football scholarships. The inevitable, unenviable "humanities" major. In which we look at the graduates and go "OH, the hu-MANITY!"
Feb. 21st, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
They were a little on the small side for football but I'd not rule out Lacrosse or golf or something else they give college scholarships for.

Feb. 21st, 2008 07:42 pm (UTC)
English majors? Not a chance. I'm betting on Business majors.
Feb. 21st, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
Well some useless field anyway. I have two English degrees by the way so I was taking a stab at myself as much as anything.

Feb. 21st, 2008 07:54 pm (UTC)
I have a fine arts degree as useless as any other, but that is no indication that I would ever desecrate a lawn! Unless it was part of some kind of installation project, of course.
Feb. 21st, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
I take wrong turns all the time but I'm always very careful about causing any kind of damage to someone else's property, English degree or no...hehehe.

Feb. 21st, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)
Sir, you have maligned the good name of my people. I challenge you to a duel.

(English majors would have run out of gas before they turned around.)
Feb. 21st, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
I have maligned the good name of my people too.

BA- Journalism from the English Department
MA -Communication Theory from the English Department

Do I have to fight myself?

Feb. 21st, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
Yes. Yes you do.
Feb. 22nd, 2008 02:23 am (UTC)
That's hilarious.

All us collij studints iznt dumm tho. Luk at me! I'm a onner studint!
Feb. 22nd, 2008 03:41 pm (UTC)
Heheh. Nothing at all against college students. I wuz 1 2 not so many years ago. They just happened to be college students.

Feb. 22nd, 2008 06:21 am (UTC)
Sounds scary...that they will be in charge of something in future, that is. I can't nominate what major to guess!

After a party at our poetry professor's house (2 AM, I'm guessing) we drunkenly hauled an old mattress on top of his car to the University President's front lawn, AND LITTERED! (I think the statute of limitations on littering are passed by now though.)

We were some of us English Majors. Some, the more hardcore Literature people hell bent on destruction (or the priviledge to write about surviving it later). Some, Fine Art people with really early bitter political resentments that dabbled in English Minors.

But we pulled all our shenannigans within city limits. Outside them we knew there we people apt to pull out deer rifles and shoot at noises in the dark, or weirder Vietnam Vets with traser ammo they were just dying to have an excuse to use again.

No, no, no, English Majors would not venture out beyond the range of the "pocket-money budget whisper", the almost constant nag of: 75% beer money, 25% gas money.

Okay, just one guess. Someone with a firm belief in the perpetuity of dependence on cheap foreign oil...Petrochemical Geology Majors, and/or Engineering Techs. The lack of social skills bordering on Asbergers Syndrome, the blithe arrogance as if handed down like an heirloom, the relegation of democracy downward in importance to taste in beer - Busch. No voice whispers to them with a heathen, chocolate malted barley-aristocratic accent. Their budget breakdown: 75% gas money, 25% beer money.
Feb. 22nd, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC)
They weren't city kids. There was a definite small town drawl in their voices. But not farm kids either or they'd have been more respectful. My guess is Southern Illinoisians with a chip on their shoulder against us Central Illinoisians who look down upon our southern bretheren. Possibly Ag majors given the vehicle.

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )