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The weekend

Well the heat was stifling all weekend. In general, I love heat and humidity because I can breathe well but this weekend got a little ridiculous. It was 101 on Saturday with 92% humidity and 100 on Sunday with 89% humidity. These were the kind of days when you just walk outside and sweat. I was determined Saturday to get something done so I went out to the garden to harvest for half and hour. I came in with 24 cucumbers, 17 big squash, 40 jalapeno and Hungarian yellow wax peppers and about 6 dozen sweet pea pods. I was covered in sweat and couldn't wipe it out of my eyes because I'd just picked the peppers. My shirt and shorts were totally soaked. Needless to say, I gave up on yard work and spent the day inside working on my thesis and waiting for the Direct TV rapairman to show up. An electrical storm Thursday must have zapped the dish outside because the receiver was fried. So I waited. Deb had to go to a baby shower in Macomb and then she was going to swing back by around 5 and pick me up to go to a planning meeting for an outside event we do in September for the Argyle Antique Gas Engine Association. So 4 pm rolls around and the guy still has not shown up and no phone calls. SO I called thier office to find that whoever had wrote down the work order had written down my phone number wrong. So they were going to call the guy in the field and try to get him to call me. This never happened and I spent the next two hours on the phone trying to find out when my service was going to be reapired because damnit, if i was trapped inside by the heat, I at least wanted to be able to watch the free Showtime weekend preview. The high and low of it was that this was not to be. I did manage to get them to give me a free month of service out of the whole thing though.

Deb got home around 5:30 and said she was too hot to anything. SO we decided to blow off the meeting and have a quiet evening at home. She tooka nap and I went upstairs to put memory in my newly purchased used computer so I could type some on my thesis. I was also going to check my email but I found that the storm had also fried my modem so that was not to be. Whether it was the heat, or waiting all day for a repair man that never showed or the modem getting fried or all this spirtual mess, I don't know but I started getting highly irritated and took it out on Deb. We decided to go over to Beardstown to KFC and get dinner and I was at her throat the whole way over stupid and piddly stuff. When we got home later, I had something like a minor mental breakdown and ended up with her holding me and my telling her all the shit that was going on in my life including almost getting fired two weeks ago. At the end of it all and with me crying like a baby, she says "and I was ragging on you to pick up your socks?" We both just had to laugh at that. The high and low of all this was we agreed not to hold things back from each other no matter how much stress we had on our lives.

Ok, the last two weeks, my health has been affected by all this spiritual stuff. Now, my dreams are being affected. Usually, I sleep well but never dream or never remember my dreams. But last week when I did my path reading, I found that lizard - the guardian of the dream world - was working agaisnt me, a sign I needed to leave myself more time for dreaming as well as looking at my dreams for answers to my inner conflicts. So now, I'm dreaming from the time I close my eyes until the time I opne them in the morning. And these are realistic, vivid dreams in technicolor too.

Deb told me that Friday night, I tossed and turned so much she got out of bed and went to sleep in another room because she couldn't calm me down. She also said I was talking in my sleep about Beavers and Bears and saying something was fake and I wasn't strong enough to do this. I remember dreaming that night but can't for the life of me recall what the dreams were about.

I had intended to meditate Saturday night but the temps outside at 10 PM were still in the 90's. I would have done it inside if I had been alone but the sage and copal I use to smudge myself with sets Deb's allergies off so I just decided to wait until tonight.

So on to Saturday's dreams. I remember dreaming what seemed like all night but two of the dreams stand out most visibly.

In the first, I was in some type of overland motorcycle race though I don't even own a motorcycle in real time. I had kept up with the pack for most of the grueling race. In the final stretch, there was this big hill. Some of the racers were getting part way up and then sliding back down. I recall the hill was dirt where we were raving and looked like a road but a recent rain had carved sizable ruts in the yellow clay. Alongside the road, the hill was covered with trees. At the top of the hill was the finish line. I started up the hill on my bike which seemed bigger than those of the other racers. As I was going up, there were a couple other racers who were trying to maintain enough power to keep climbing. Often their bikes would lose power and they would have to hop off and push their bikes. Mine slowed down but kept going. Since my tires were bigger, I wasn't getting stuck in the washed out ruts like the others were. I was talking to some of the other racers on the way up about what a tough race it had been and how we were glad it would soon be over.

Finally I reached the top and crossed the finish line ahead of everyone else. There were a few people there to cheer but it didn't seem like a big deal. I got off my bike and took off my helmet and looked around. Deb was suddenly by my side congratulating me. It didn't seem like we were in the same kind of relationship as we are now though. She seemed familiar but more like when we were first dating. Or like she had been an old girlfriend and we'd just met after a long absence. There was this other woman at the finish line. She was older and heavy set with auburn hair. I recognized her face as that of my old High School swim coach, Rose Marie Hays but yet she also to have physical qualities of Julia White and other women I know. She looked at me and didn't say a word. She had a slight smile on her face but also something that looked like envy or maybe jealousy. After a few moments she turned away and headed for this two story white farm house with green gambrel roofs, one upper and then a lower sub roof. The house was on a low hill which was covered in green grass and had several old oak trees shading it. It had some green roofed, white outbuildings and the drives leading up to it on either side were dirt and gravel. It struck me that this woman and I had had some kind of relationship in the past as well, like she was the leader of some group I was in but that we had not seen each other in some time.

Deb grabbed my arm and led me to a small cabin where it appeared she either lived or was staying for a time. Inside the furnishings were spare. It looked like a bunkhouse or an old line cabin I used to visit one of my cowboy buddies in when I lived in New Mexico. There were a set on bunkbeds along one wall and she invited me to lay down with her in the bottom bunk. She climbed in and I followed and then she pulled a heavy blanket or comforter over both of us.

We just laid there with out arms around each other talking for awhile. I asked her about the large familiar woman I had seen outside. It seems she told me her name was Rose. I asked her what she was doing living in the big house. It seemed the big house was almost a metaphor for someone who had great power and I kind of laughed because as I told Deb, Rose had always been very pretentious but had never had any real power. Deb explained that Rose was now the leader of this big spiritual movement. The way she explained it, all I could think of was this big cult, almost like the Branch Davidians or something of that nature. Deb said she was working for Rose in something like an administrative or accounting capacity. I asked Deb why she wasn't living in the big house and she explained that Rose only let people who believed in the movement, live in the big house. Everyone else who just worked for her had to live out in the bunkhouses. She said she didn't think she would be working for Rose for much longer though but didn't elaborate on the reason. After that we just fell asleep holding each other but I was left with the feeling that when I woke up, I needed to leave as soon as I could.

End of Dream #1

Dream #2

Deb and I were leaving from a play or movie in some large city. We were walking so I assume we must have lived fairly close. The setting reminded me of some lower middle class urban neighborhoods in New York or Chicago. The streets were all wet and glistening like from a recent rain. There were few cars and the ones that were about were all mid 60's models, some with tail fins. The buildings were mostly brick and seemed mostly to be apartment houses and stores. I was comfortable there which seems strange in retrospect because cities make me paranoid and I don't spend much time in them. The relationship between me and Deb was a lot closer in this dream than in the first. It seemed like we had been seeing each other for awhile. We were walking with our arms around each other and that romantic silliness of new relationships had not quite worn off. We were comfortable with each other though.

For some reason we decided to go into this one tall building. It seems like one of us said it was a short cut though I can't now see how it was. The inside was not brightly lit but I could see fairly well anyway. We were on the bottom landing of a stairwell with one flight leading down to the basement and the rest leading up to the upper floors. The paint on the walls was a yellowish white and looked like it covered several other layers of paint. We began to climb the stairs. After about 13 flights we came to a long hallway which looked like it connected the stairways on two sides of the building. Here there were a couple of black young men. It was then I noticed they as well as we were dressed in early 60's style casual dress clothing. We struck up a conversation with them. I don't recall what it was about but something casual. We didn't know them but it didn't seem to matter. There was a younger black male there who didn't want to be involved in the conversation. He wanted to go out and do something and was irritated that the older men wanted to stay there and talk to us. Eventually, the younger one disappeared down the stairs.

Above the stair well was a pipe like maybe a steam pipe or electrical conduit. It was painted the same color as the walls. It was maybe 1" in diameter and came out of one wall and joined a wall on the other side of the stairwell maybe 15 feet away. I think one of the black men dared me to stand on a table on one side of the hall and jump to the pipe them travel hand over hand to the other wall and jump down. Anyway, against Deb's advice, that's what I was preparing to do. I climbed up on this gray metal table, and jumped to grab hold of the pipe. The jump was maybe four feet in distance and when I grabbed the pipe, my feet swung forward and collided with the railing on top of the stairwell.

Suddenly, the younger black man was standing a few steps down in the stairwell. He reached up and grabbed my shoe laces which caused my feet to be held against the railing. This put me at an odd angle, holding onto the pipe with my feet below and actually ahead of me so that if I fell, I most certainly would hurt my back or crack my head against the floor. I yelled at the kid but he laughed and tied my shoe laces together. Deb and the other men were yelling at the kid but he just gave them the finger and kept laughing. On the table was a round metal bar and I told Deb to hand it to me so I could swing at the kid. She did and I swung at him. I hit him on the shoulder but then lost my grip on the pipe and it fell clattering down the stairs. I had to reach up and regain my grip on the pipe above me so I didn't fall. Deb and the other black me were on their feet now and trying to get to the stairs to untie my laces. But everytime they did, the kid lunged at them. He may have had a weapon of some kind but I can't recall just what it was. Anyway, they were scared to just rush him. There was a water glass on the table as well which looked out of place because it was one of those really fancy crystal glasses like you see your mother get out only on special occasions. It had water in it. I told Deb to hand it to me and she did. I threw it at the kid and it hit the stair rail and shattered into thousands of pretty crystal pieces. Several of the pieces hit him in the face and cut him . I can recall the dark color of the blood flowing down his dark skin. The kid grabbed his head and fell down the stairs. Finally one of the older men was able to get around the other side of the railing and taking a pocket knife, cut my shoe laces so my feet swung back and I was able to jump down. Deb and I thanked the men. It seemed like one of them was going to go down and check on the kid but they were still mad at him. They both apologized to us.

Deb was holding me around my middle and I was leaning on her kind of limping and we continued down the hallway and went down the flight of stairs on the other side of the building. Once at street level, we went outside and continued down the street.

Sunday we spent inside most of the day as well, working on insignificant projects and generally relaxing. We got home around 11 to the city and sat up until we were to tired to stay up anymore and then went to sleep. I dreamed all night about corn and soybeans and other things I can't recal.

Now I just need to get through this week so I can go on vacation Friday! Yeah!




Wander aka StoneBear
Bear Dancer Studios

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