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Questions answered

Well I'm back from vacation in body anyway. I think part of me was left behind in the mountains with a new totem spirit. I didn't get a lot of rest during the trip but I did manage to find some peace of mind which was one of the reasons for going in the first place.

On a side note, I will say I've lost all respect for Dubbya even though I voted for him. He didn't show up at the BSA National Jamboree just because it rained that day. He can go to Bosnia and other war torn countries with shells raining down and shake hands with soldiers but he can't manage the 1/2 hour ride by helicopter from DC to Fredricksburg, VA to talk to 40,000 kids who for one week are not out doing drugs or shooting each other in the streets. He even declined a live video feed opting instead for a generic, canned five minute, taped speech before heading off to his ranch in Texas for a vacation. Asshole!

I had a dream while I was at the beach. I was an Indian kid playing with other Indian kids. We were playing some kind of game with a hide ball and a stick. While we were playing, these warriors from another village approached us. They were on a raid and were going towards our village. We could have easily run and escaped but instead we banded together and with our sticks, we drove them off. When we returned to our village, news of our victory had already reached there. The medicine man called us into his lodge. Spread before us on a small altar were several necklaces of different colors. The medicine man called me over and picked up a necklace of cobalt blue beads finished in 4 purple beads. He placed this around my neck. When I turned to face him, he told me, "Now you are ready to go on to the next level!" I was really happy about this dream and it has stayed with me for days. I felt whatever tests I was being presented with, I had passed.

Two day later, we went to see my two friends Becky Starhawk and Dorothy WhiteHawk who are Shawnee chiefs. It was Deb's first chance to meet them and she was welcomed immediately. We exchanged several gifts with them. One of the things we gave WhiteHawk was a fetish bear necklace. She was almost in tears about it. She had told me earlier in the visit that I was to be given a new spirit name part of which was "Stone". After I gave her the necklace, she said the name just came to her in a rush. My name was to be Stone Bear. She asked me to come back in the fall when we would hold a ceremony to formally confer the name on me. I was really taken aback at all this. Apparently the rewards are coming to me now. After giving us each a deer leg to use to make walking sticks, Starhawk pulled me aside to talk to me alone. She asked if I would honor her by allowing her to adopt me as her brother. I readily accepted though I was speechless and I think it was I who was honored. So when I return for my naming ceremony, I will also be formally adopted as Starhawk's brother which is not a full initiation into the Shawnee Nation but more like an honroary position I think. Starhawk also set one of her guides to the task of looking into my family tree to try and find out about some of my missing links and if they might have been Indian. If we can find a link then I might well be fully initiated into the Nation in the fall.

Along with my spirit name, a anew totem spirit moved into my life last week. The bear, the spirit of introspection. WhiteHawk brought out this huge bear hide the Nation uses for ritual purposes. She cleared everyone out of the room and told me she thought I could use a little time alone with the bear. I sat alone for a few minutes just stroking the hide and trying to figure out how to best approach Grandfather Black Bear. I finally decided and closed my eyes and placed both hands, palms down on the hide. I said, "Greetings Grandfather Black Bear. I honor your spirit and ask you for guidance. I open myself to you and accept whatever you have to teach me." I could feel a subtle powere emanating from the hide and travelling through my arms to fill me with it's presence. Suddenly, I had become the bear. I could feel the hide moving with it's breath and I could feel the same breath within me. Bear was moving into me and taking up residence to help me learn to look inside myself and accept what I see there. He was a little grouchy though and I could tell this would not be an easy transition. After a few minutes, the breathing stopped and I thanked Grandfather Bear and went back outside to sit with the others in the dwindling light.

Over the last couple days I have felt the restlessness of Bear within me. He is ready to get started in teaching me the lessons I need to learn. Meditation is in order. While away I experienced conflict and I was shown some of my challenges. I need to learn to listen to my inner voice and beleive what it has to say. I also need to learn to listen and accept others who care about me. I need to learn to be less selfish and be open to the ideas of others. I have accepted the pathway through the fire and I eagerly await what is on the other side.




( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 6th, 2001 03:23 pm (UTC)
You voted for Shrubya too? Now I'm relieved. I'm not the only one. How I wish I had left the Presidential part blank or voted for "none of the above," which is what I really wanted in the first place.
Aug. 6th, 2001 03:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Whew!
I just hope it dawns on him in the middle of the night sometime that he just stood up 40,000 kids who will all be of voting age in the next election and who probably have excellent memories.


Aug. 6th, 2001 03:30 pm (UTC)
I'm so proud of you!
Forgive me if I sound condescending, but this is an amazing journey you've been on, and it sounds like the "fire walk" you had to go through to take on the next level of power has been completed!

What a perfect name for you, too.
*Beams happily*
Welcome back!
Aug. 7th, 2001 08:16 am (UTC)
Not condescending at all. Thanks much for that and for all the help and advice you've given me. It means an awful lot to me.



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


Wander aka StoneBear
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